The gold-barr'd butterflies to and from
And over the waterside wander'd and wove
As heedless and idle as clouds that rove
And drift by the peaks of perpetual snow.

Joaquin Miller; Songs of the Sun-Lands

A wanton spirit coupled with an uncommon common sense;
Lips curled sweetly on a dozen flights of fancies around the world;
And an endless obsession with beauty, art, love and history.

The charm, of memory is that it is
choosy, chancy and temperamental;
it rejects the edifying cathedral
and indelibly photographs the small
boy outside, chewing a hunk of melon
in the dust. (Click for pictures.)

Sunday, February 27

c-o-c-o-nut...

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

7:08 PM

banner for a christmas day party. just days before that boxing day epic

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

6:14 PM

from the pina colada

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

6:09 PM

to perching behind my ears

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

6:08 PM

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:28 PM

i thought it was so funny when the papers reported proudly that bush and chirac had made up by eating french fries. i cant believe politics was reduced to something so juvenile. i cant believe the americans actually denounced french fries as being french by calling them freedom fries instead. how can 2 of the biggest global hotshots do something so cheesy like eat french fries to symbolise a rebuilding of relation. haha, lame.

oh, i got accepted to usc for exchange. not sure if i should take it, cos everyone says its a place where rich asian kids go, and im not too keen of moving there all the way from the heart of asia only to find myself surrounded by slangy asian kids with identity crises, and pseudo grotto dressing. hmmm. but it has a good business school, and maybe i *do* have to go to find out for myself whether all asian kids abroad really do have a identity crisis. dont you think? they all like to over-talk, over-act and over-dress; all in that dubious tacky hiphop manner. oh the agony of dismissing stereotypes!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:15 AM

Saturday, February 26

(upon receiving a saman from the tp)

mom:see la. tell you how many times already. stinge on other things but you keep wasting money on fines. dad:aiya! you were the who tore the thing mah. why didnt you remind me to put 1 hr?? mom:YOU handed me the 50cents one! and everytime i remind you, you dont listen! dad:aiya. (after a while) manda, whats your pocket money ah? mom: stop changing the subject. you always say people spendthrift; YOU're the one. dad:(speechless)

(on drinking tehtarik every night)

dad:manda, you know EVERY night mommy around 945pm she will sit by the telephone and wait for me? mom:where got? dad:ya la. everytime i call, one ring only joop! pick up! mom:noo.. dad: then when i say im reaching soon, she will joop! lock the key and stand there waiting for me! mom:thats what you think only.. dad:haha aiya dont be so shy lei..

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

2:35 PM

Friday, February 25

i wanna quit nussu..

the amount of emails i have is..mammothly infinite.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:20 PM

when we were there we met alex from eusoff. on the first day. ambling down patong looking a bit lost. we ended up going for lunch and then the beach. and then at night, alex met lloyd. this teaching assistant from sociology. who was - hahaha - quite hunky.

imagine meeting 2 people in phuket; the coincidence of it.

BUT imagine later confessing to zh that i thought lloyd was cute. and imagine my embarrassment when zh told me he knew cos i kept talking to him, and usually i wouldnt bother with men unless they were goodlooking. and because i had asked the waiter to take a photo of all 4 of us, zh said it was damn obvious i was besotted. and apparently not subtly so either. im so mortified.

i wish zh would stop reading me like a book! haha

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:07 PM

if tioman was intoxication at its headiest,and london was beauty unravelled in a menage a trois, then phuket must be our glorious golden retirement plan..

phuket is in a state of contradiction. there are villas left perfectly untouched by the tsunami, yet the immediate shops beside it are trashed beyond salvation. in patong, recovery is more rapid. prostitution and revelry, after all, has to survive even the effects of the tsunami. the locals set up makeshift stalls outside their destroyed shops. beach fairs were held to rally support for the fledging tourist scene. glass windows of tailor shops were left with water marks that reminded of the grim nightmare of dec26. the more remote beaches were left with not much aid. scores of huts were toppled and have been reduced to piles of debris. we drive through lanes of beautiful cafes, romantic restaurants, bars with booming music. but there arent people in it. overall tourism is greatly decreased, and every of these islanders have been affected. those that have carried on visiting phuket, however, displayed much sensitivity. there was a genuine vibe of people-to-people candidness, honesty, support and care. and did i mention that the beaches are cleaner than the past 10 years? the waters and sun were amazing.

i clamoured for the sun day in day out :) and THEN i fell ill on the last night. heat stroke, probably. and then zh nursed me with such assuredness and tender love; i dont think i can thank him enough. i love him i love him i love him.

i love you for driving the jeep with such skill. and for never making me feel unsafe. (even though i still wont allow myself to fall asleep while you're navigating all those slopes and sharp turns) i love you for wanting to find beachfronts all the time, and keeping us in the warmth of romance. i love you for havin the sensitivity when we talk to the locals. i love you for enjoying that bowl of noodles. (i actually liked it a lot too) i just wished you liked somtam as much as i did haha! why does nobody like somtam!?! :(

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

8:39 PM

Monday, February 21

now and then im overwhelmed by the knowledge that felix still looks out for me. while he belongs to my past, he still gives that sense of security.

perhaps cherishing my present, and treasuring the past is that strike of balance i ought to precipitate out of life..

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

6:42 PM

the red suzuki caribbean!!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

8:58 AM

Sunday, February 20

bump-in was an affair filled with subregion temperatures that froze our blistered feet and made us recline into jackets aplenty. it was one big glorious feast in the green room. we nipped away at eclairs, cream puffs, pies, packed food, leftover cny goodies; all the time clutching our layers of tummy fat and bemoaning them. it was a period where we discovered the braiding skills of xie wei, and gazillions of heads queued up to let the master braider herself set her magical fingers upon us. and of course we had random technical runs, dress rehearsals, fulldress rehearsals, pep talks, warnings, scoldings, coercivesness, bribing, swearing..

bump-in was also when i memorably talked to a whole lot more people than i normally would..which i liked very much :)

production day was simply wonderful. it was the most amazing high. all those memories of 6hr-long practices just melted away in the face of the buzz surrounding all of us dancers. i passed clubbing for a crystaljade pig-out session with zh. i love him. i love him for remembering to bring me flowers. my family, my girlfriends and my bf there to watch me - im a contented old lady!

i cant tell for sure if i'll get withdrawal symptoms from the sudden bursts of free time on my hands. but in a few days time, i'll be in phuket! we're renting a suzuki caribbean jeep. it is THE most beautiful jeep i have seen. i love it already! i hope the one we get is red...!!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

1:16 AM

Saturday, February 19

more dp photos here

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

4:36 PM

thankyou for all the flowerrrs :)

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

3:48 PM

dp loves drama..

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

3:38 AM

the inscrutiny of masks

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

3:30 AM

Thursday, February 17

driving test at 1015 tomorrow! *panicky jittery nervy schmacky* sigh

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

12:58 AM

Tuesday, February 15

history is full of whats. what did napolean do. what led to the french revolution. what breakthroughs were there in the industrial revolution. how does the stupid american professor expect us to come up with insightful intepretative questions to quiz the rest of our class?

when group 1 quizzed my group today, they gave us full credit. when we quizzed them, we gave them partial credit. answer incomplete what! i didnt expect the intensity of their dirty looks for the rest of the 2 hours.

in a span of 15 minutes i faked 20 surveys to pass to my project teammate. msn was down because my nus vpn client kept signing me out. so i had to manually upload 20 stupid surveys throught email. it would conspire that later on he faked the entire data collection which eliminated the need for the fakery on MY part. fucker.

bbdc. went all the way down to bbdc in the hope of gettin a lastminute revision for tonight. i wanted the 750pm class. only 930pm was available. fuck, take it. so i'll just have to wait a bit. half an hour after waiting, i happened to look down at my booking slip and the horrors. i'd book a 930pm class for NEXT tuesday. thanks man. turns out there wasnt any class for today. futile trip.

in addition i met this driving instructor who tried to pick me up last time. eventhough i managed to sweet talk him into helping me find a lastminute slot, he is too lousy and completely without clout and therefore he failed. what also ensued was the most awkward conversation which consisted of why i never called him back. i admitted that i didnt even save his number. im tired, why wont you leave me alone..

to complete the horrible day, i went to the counter to check out the bus timings. when i looked up, the bus was pulling out of its stop. i had to wait another half an hour more.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:07 PM

a hundred years on, race riots, corrupt politics and improper land deals had seen its urban deterioration.. it actually looks scary now

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

11:40 AM

founded in 1887, asbury park was one of new jersey's most popular seaside resorts

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

11:39 AM

Monday, February 14

"Love is a portion of the soul itself, and it is of the same nature as the celestial breathing of the atmosphere of paradise."

"Life is a flower of which love is the honey."

"The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved, loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."

"The reduction of the universe to a single being, the expansion of a single being even to God, this is love." - Victor Hugo

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:51 PM

thankyou liwern too, for springing a sweet surprise upon my door step this morning! to a year of sweet loving for you and yiming both

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:50 PM

i was hoping to surprise him with TWO valentines' day gifts :) but he had one up his sleeve too! i got this pair of earrings today! :)

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:39 PM

i take back everything bad i've said about my groupmates. i found it amusing that they needed a "fulldress" for a mini-lecture we had to give. i found it laughable that they contemplated dressing up for a segment that comprised only 5% of our final grade. i thought they were incomprehensibly kiasu - turns out being prepared is a great way to fly. i've never felt as in control as i did in class just now. i didnt have to look at my note cards; i spoke eloquently and at length too! maybe im finally getting over my intense phobia of public speaking! in the end, we went for "smart casual" and it was a good look. lol the presentation was equally sweet too! im also very flattered that someone commented that im reminiscent of a newscaster.. :)

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:20 PM

Sunday, February 13

screwing the co(r)k..lol

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

6:04 PM

ohyesohyes ;] my darling!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:00 PM

tres chic: glasses wearing flops!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

4:59 PM

the view from where we lay..

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

4:53 PM

my new wrist lover!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

4:53 PM

Saturday, February 12

egg tarts. i've almost forgotten! how could i have gotten through secondary school without my friends forcefeeding me? we've drifted in ways i never wanted, so its now time for a little more effort! i still feel slightly nauseaous whenever i smell eggtarts and think of how they brutally pinched my nose to stuff eggtarts up my gap, because i refused to eat anything for days. weisi, yanying, weiying, debbie, leela..

but i was too floaty and subliminally absent to appreciate their goodness.. and i miss them all now!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

6:39 PM

Friday, February 11

once upon a time, valentines' day was a non-event. then came little bryan, who bought me white gold earrings. exactly 14 days after that, i ditched him for felix. the next year, felix and i had managed to break up and get back together just in time. and we had seafood at jumbo seafood restaurant. the crab was really good, but it wasnt quite romantic enough. lol.

this year, i have rehearsals on valentines' day. it could have been a bummer, but we celebrated our pre-valentines'-day valentines day in such startling perfection that im contented. really :)

we went for another picnic! this time we nestled ourselves in between the supreme courts and the esplanade. almost beneath the shadiest of trees and upon the mossiest of grass patches. we lit stale cigs and planted them around us to ward off mozzies. we balanced wineglasses upon zh's giant slippers. we ate well, drank well, slept well and convened with nature as well. just call us seasoned picnickers.

love you :)

i could do this for a lifetime.

i couldnt really have asked for more. nothing felt wanting. and the watch i'd been covetting was the perfectly rounded succulent cherry that topped it all.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

11:00 PM

random cny notes:

zh put aside his great dislike for smelly crowds to bring me and his sister to chinatown on chu xi! thats what i'd call a well-trained bf! or an incredibly indulgent one :) depending on which way you look at it. muak.

my grandma cooked the most amazing fatty pork thing with sea cucumber. loved it.

we picked up this fantastic game that used narrow strips of colorful cards with curly chinese characters on them. apparently its a funeral parlour game.

we all ate 3 consecutive meals at my grandma's place; it was quite a relief we ate north indian food for lunch today. we ate there because i needed to go, and it was the nearest eating place with a decent toilet.

:) all's well this cny indeed..

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

1:00 AM

Thursday, February 10

jamu is 100% herbal. jamu is my new best friend. jamu will help me shit out the infinite excesses ive consumed!

maybe i also need those detox prunes from the mlm company. (the other day this company came down to eusoff and they gave out detoxifying prune samples. and i ate them for fun, as an itchymouth snack. 2 prunes, when the dosage was one. the next day i detoxed all the way through bizcomm tutorial. good fun in the toilet!)

i had fun visiting with zh today :) i realise how important it is to be liked by his friends. i wish my friends were this responsive. sometimes i even think i bitch about him to them because then i can justify them being rather cold to him..

there's so much i wanna talk about. but i cant blog it all down cos it'd be unsurmountable. like how my grandpa responds well to me, and how happy it makes me. maybe blogging is to make sure someone, anyone knows your thoughts. knows u're alive. knows you're existing, feeling and thinking.

which brings to mind a great line -

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."

its from shall we dance? p.s. richard gere is mindboggling hot!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

12:00 AM

Wednesday, February 9

my grandfather's very emotional now; he cries alot. he waved me over to his bedside today, but immediately after i crossed the room to hold his hand, he sobbed uncontrollably.

would i rather him be beaming like a baby, innocent childlike and incoherently oblivious? or him be lucid, aware and hurting for all the losses in his life?

my dad was very happy, for it was a gesture that suggested a authenticity in his consciousness. he hasnt communicated directly to anyone since the stroke. but on my part, i felt like i was giving him alot of grief.

when i left, i told him "gong gong. wa ma zek jia lai, hor!" and to my utter surprise he mumbled out "hor!"

im very very gratified ;] happynewyear, gonggong.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

2:21 AM

Tuesday, February 8

its the new year, and i suddenly feel very proud to be chinese. to be part of this extraordinary heritage.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

6:15 PM

feeling a bit heaty now. must be that prune juice i just downed. supposed to aid digestion; im actually tryin to digest everything ive eaten today. and more. im actually hoping for diarrhoea. whoohoo.

chinese new year tomorrow! i love chinese new year. the ba kwa. the muah chee my grandma makes. my grandpa's coming back from the rehab ward too for the new year. yippee.

i have a bruise on my cheek. cos i was thrown up during dance, and my partner boxed my cheeks with great aplomb when he was supposed to be catching me.

how to cover up bruises?

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

2:11 AM

sometimes things just conspire to make you not have a bad day! i woke up bloated & achy today. and within the first 5 seconds, i'd already made up my mind that today isnt gonna be my day. so i skipped my 1st lecture. and almost skipped my 2nd. but i met charlene online, and so we decided to go for lecture (just to see what we've been missing for the past few weeks). after afternoon lessons and all, i was going to skip dinner because i felt fat, but liwern called me and kinda conned me into joining her for dinner. lol. then halfway she somehow broke out in hives. so we cut dinner short, and she went back to bathe. i felt greedy. and virginia was on hand to provide the yummiest peanut candy. of course after gobbling down 3 huge chunks, i could have hibernated in my room, feeling guilty about overeating. but i had to go down for cny celebrations. i met diana. diana's cute. and then liwern called me to accompany her to the hospital. to see the doctor. there really wasnt time for me to mope around and be grumpy. then i had 4 hours of dance, and i get back to come back to my sweetie. sometimes people and circumstances just disallow unpleasantry. i wonder if all these people know they somehow prevented my day from being a bad day!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

1:18 AM

Monday, February 7

i told weiying that effective dieting equals skipping the whites. pasta bread rice potato. she said her pasta turns red in tomata sauce. but i truimphantly concluded thats why spaghetti carbonara is always more sinful than spaghetti pomodoro.

*hugs myself* im so smart. mfthahaha

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

1:17 AM

Sunday, February 6

i shall wear heels more often!

1. i feel sexier
2. i have a killer tush on stilts
3. i make zh happy! :)

im glad i rushed down after piecing to watch the datingfordummies play by the friendly neighbourhood law folks. cos i got to wear the aforementioned heels and shimmery crinkly red top and appreciate sidesplitting semi-truths on romance, dating, marriage and gender.

food for the night: fried rice with a craterous sunnysideup, chinese egg prata (chinese boss, you see) and yummilicious tauhway. (but i still had a craving for tangyuan)

save for a minute scare this morning, it was a good day. i bought my sister 2 tops, an ugly cherry-patterned hairclip and her first strapless bra. i bought myself a guess bag which gleams like a golden goose. i like! and a tube for chinese new year too. and my 3for$10 earrings. i thought of buying some for deb&jy. but i had so much difficulty choosing 3, the thought of choosing another 6 threw me WAY off.

food for the day: shortbreadcake and fried chicken for breakfast, instant noodle for lunch, vanilla frappe and kiwi for tea, good vegetarian food at coronation for dinner. they serve the meanest non-duck peking duck you can ever find.

note to myself: its ok if your tummy hangs out. nobody's perfect. but you can continuing striving towards flat-dom.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

11:32 PM

Saturday, February 5

argh! i have fulldress rehearsal in 15minutes time bleah :( i dont want to have a wobbly tummy hanging dangerously out of my teeny weeny silverish spandexish sequinnish boob tube and hot shorts. i really dont! boohoo.

today's a hot day. i played tennis between 1030 and 1200 and balls my legs were wobbly from withstanding the heat!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

1:30 PM

Thursday, February 3

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

5:05 PM

Wednesday, February 2

sitting in too many committees is crushingly discomforting. especially when one director denounces another com as being horribly fucked up in the execution of something; and im there squirming and hoping he doesnt realise im in that com.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:59 PM

i wish i were there in the french revolution. there's something about history that always makes me wish i was there.

"But the tale of history forms a very strong bulwark against the stream of time, and checks in some measure its irresistible flow, so that, of all things done in it, as many as history has taken over it secures and binds together, and does not allow them to slip away into the abyss of oblivion." - Anna Comnena

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:53 PM

my beloved monster walks in the door bearing yummilicious gifts. like 3 sticks of yakitori. mmmYUMmm. me liketh the one with asparagus. and cookie nibblers from mrsfields. and 3 chocolateyrum balls and finally, one kueh dada. aiyoooSEDAP! haha. :)

makcik nie sangat gembira! this aunty is very happy!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:47 PM

Links

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But that's another story.
- Rudyard Kipling

Archives

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No traces left of all the busy scene,
But that remembrances says:
The things have been.
- Samuel Boyse

Prattle-time :]