Sunday, December 26
i love that cd shop! my dad has come home with 5 gorgeous limited edition box sets of lounge and acid jazz compilations from around the world. nice! listening to the blue bar now. the blue bar, london! - *london, london...ooh!*
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:00 PM
Saturday, December 25
mmmm, erp. so much for being inspired. i had a super duper blazing fiery hot fever lastnight and was too dazed to follow zh to church this morning.
we went for a picnic at botanic gardens today! we had mexican cheese bread, caviar, smoked salmon, turkey peppercorn ham, virginia ham, sundried tomatos, crackers, cherries, wine and juice. we forgot to bring a corkscrew and we thought we bought wine with the screw-on cap kind. but it turned out to be cork. so we had to viciously jab at it with a key and mutilate it and then we came up with the brilliant idea of pushing the cork in instead. the cherries were goood. i love cherries!
i gave him his xmas present which i painstakingly put together. a little part of me almost didnt want to hand it over. ha ha. but i did, and i hope he loves it!
had headache the whole of today, but it was a nice christmas :) while picniciing on the greens, with children and puppies running circles around us, i had a thought - that i'd like to grow old with him, and bring doggies and children to play in wide open spaces. haha thats such a silly thought. and he'd play frisbee with the little 'uns, cos i cant. for nuts.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
11:44 PM
Friday, December 24
it was a letter that exuded a special strength which i imagined my mom later drew upon in the wake of my grandma's death. it was warm and unerring in its sisterly affections. my aunt spoke of love and of how she hopes to break the bondage of being bitter and resentful. she recounts how my grandma had only known a life of abuse and misery, and that these illfeelings have been unwittingly passed down from mother to daughters. she speaks of how thankful it is that she is able to show her family such love. words seems to glow and radiate in my aunt's conviction in god. how she trusts that my grandmother is now in his care. in the all-encompassing love that she speaks of. her emphatic reminders that there neednt be any guilt. that life must go on.
funny how i should chance upon this in my mom's lingerie drawer while looking for something else. it must have been something treasured. my aunt's beautiful nature transcends paper. maybe i'll be this lovely one day too.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:40 PM
Thursday, December 23
zh's xmas present is completed! i spent the whole of last night *and* this afternoon ripping up magazines, and arranging this yummy story book for him. and ive been coloring dinosaurs all night long, cos..well they are the protagonists of the story.
i hope he likes it. merry xmas to everyone! :)
im going to my fac's bash at chinablack later! i havent been to chinablack ever since jc parties started pervading that area. heels or flats? i wanna wear flats cos i like flats - ease of mobility plus a very rare consideration for others i may stomp on later. haha. i
should wear heels, however, cos zh is 28 cm taller than me and i would otherwise be kissing his belly button. i
should also wear heels cos its a biz bash, and business people are how hiao. hiao in the very dressed up way. not the hip way. they will probably look like they came straight from prom or something. ive also learnt that when going clubbing with
any organisation, ppl tend to dress up. like the eusoff bash where i was woefully the shortest and most sloppily dressed :( i also hate heels cos i feel overdressed in them, and i
hate the feeling of tottering around like my brains were the size of the heel circumference.
so heels - yes, no? sigh
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
6:48 PM
Tuesday, December 21
yaay my room has finally been deemed worthy by lynn. now the mess is more "comfortably lived-in" than the sort that formerly compelled liz and her both into a spate of mad cleaning when i wasnt around. lol. thank you for the pen that makes me look fat!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:35 PM
Monday, December 20
im irritated cos he wont come get me. dance was cancelled and i was so happy. cos it means yay we can go do something. cant he come by bus and get me. cant he come by taxi and get me. hmph. im hungry and i want to eat with
him. but he wants to sleep. go ahead. ill get my daddy to pick me up instead. who needs you. i dont even care if im being silly. or unreasonable. im going back home where im meeting my friends for supper. youre not the only one in my life. i feel stupid for i cant help but be annoyed. i rarely want or demand anything. but when i do, i need it to be there.
character flaw? perhaps.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:05 PM
i want to do india!
http://www.backpackindia.com
india! india!
i want to bask in colourful travellers' tales in goa and don cheap cotton from head to toe like all the other great pretenders. pretending to be road weary explorers. (when in truth budget travel has never been easier lol..)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:31 PM
nope its not a great downfall; its a minor humdrum stagnation. hee festives blues?
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:27 AM
Sunday, December 19
anti-aging is my new buzz word! anti-aging! anti-aging! my mom just got this amazing range of sisley anti-aging products, and i did the night treatment last night and morning treatment tonight and already my skin feels perkier!
he's wide wide wide awake these days. more alert. i feel encouraged :) my gonggong is finally getting better. next step is for him to regain speech so that we can find out the extent of the brain damage. i hope he remembers me. i hope my beloved grandpa remembers his beloved granddaughter..
my dad almost had a mini heart attack when he spotted his old hermes tie which once adorned his neck being (smartly) converted into a sash tied around the bum by his daughter.
i had a great time at deb's church :) it was so nice meeting everyone again - it just hits me how i knew them from
such a long time ago!
i got invited to the "first steps" thing which commences jan. i want to go, but i hope it isnt religious mambo jumbo (no offence) where its all faith, because as an individual i need facts to back it up. solid historical stories that intruige and then inspire. i liked the pastor at zh's church but thats cos he put everything the bible said in such a convicting and substantial manner :) and i hope the first steps thing will be like that. it would convince me more..
on the other hand im increasingly irritated with him for being stoned so often these days. i think he just needs to get out and get some sun. is this the beginning of a great downfall? - sheesh
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:43 AM
Friday, December 17
stumbled upon thoughts remniscent of a simpler existence i want to have, but yet afraid to give up everything else that i have already amassed. its just my postcards dream; i want to forge my life in the prettiest of islands, barely thinking beyond how many postcards im going to sell today..
or maybe im just not ambitious..
i wish i can travel travel and travel with nothing to cumber me. without thought or notion of limits. i want to see every bit of the world we live in and fall in love with every culture flung all across the acres. i want to buy that national geographic portrait photography book..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
5:08 PM
i bought a gorrrgeous dress today from armani exhange! so lovely it makes me cry. i looooove deb for being so generous and rich and loaded and such a greeat friend to lend me all that cash to buy it even tho i have a very sketchy debt history. i love her to bits! argh thank you thankyou. i love it so much hee. thank you cheryl for dragging me into our last stop for the day. or i wouldnt have found this baby...yummy..
i have dance from 2-5 tmr, then tennis from 630-830 and then dance again from 930 to 030. niiice. my thighs are getting larger by the day :(
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:12 AM
Wednesday, December 15
jigsaw puzzle completed! do you know how hard it is to piece a painting that consists of 80% brown coloured bits together. after eyeballing millions of different browns from all sorts of angles, i can safely say i know the entire da vinci painting by heart now. and while doin it, i just kept remembering the da vinci code book.
speaking of which, national treasure is a great show! i loved it!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:54 AM
Tuesday, December 14
without my girlfriends and without my boyfriend and without my family, im very likely to die young; from a grossly indecent diet. heres what i ate for dinner today in hall -
a packet of arnotts' vanilla cream rolled wafer
one arnott's timtam cookie
one khong guan sultana biscuit
a few spoonfuls of my friend's ricotta and spinach in cheese pasta
sauce
one cup of super 3-in-1 milk tea
some dribbles of chocolate sundae topping
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
7:39 PM
Monday, December 13
good things come in threes!
carwash was cancelled which was amazing because i was horribly late for it and had already decided to heck it anyway
then my grandpa woke up again! every tiny little improvement, we reconcile with thanksgiving. thankyou to the big man up there. thankyou for giving us that special 5 minutes where he could look us right in the eye.
then zh came and got me for dessert :) and amidst a perfect rum&raisin cheesecake, i pleasantly realised that we have the best times just simply chilling.. and the best thing is i can picture ourselves doing classic-vanilla companionship like this a few years more down the road - he really is my better half..
and i cannot stop smiling for i felt like the luckiest girl in the world..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:01 AM
Saturday, December 11
i lost my hp again! sigh
but i had a great day out with the girls! we had the best absoluutely
divine (pleasures) dinner at bussorah street. mediterranean something something in the prettiest place! i want to steal things from there and smuggle it back to my hall room! they have nice candle holders! that cost a bomb at robinsons! i want to bring zh there! he'll love it!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
11:54 PM
Friday, December 10
cafe del mar and buddha bar and hotel costes is very nice listening! now if only someone would recommend more loungy music for me to bubble myself over with :)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:08 AM
my favourite pic of the most adorable boy clutching his father clad in those pricelessly communist helmets. USD$1 per helmet!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
12:40 AM
me and my baby sister
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
12:34 AM
a liquor collection hiding behind discreet gates along dusty vietnam roads!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
12:32 AM
do i really need a caption for this?
.jpg)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
12:31 AM
oh, how the maroons and reds pop..
.jpg)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
12:30 AM
Thursday, December 9
mmhaha. the flooounce happened. but the clubbing so did not. the grand total of 57 years between the 3 of us made itself duly cognized as we ended up chilling outside on the verandah vs. giving ourselves a longdeserved booty workout back inside hendrix. lol. i love reggae! i want to do jamaica! i want to bob my body to odd trippy reggae bebops. i want to dance cheek to cheek with sweaty jamaicans with dreadlocks, shimmying to their own inner beat.
oh, and i also want to find that piece of "dinner music" that i heard at that cd shop. must search harder. ;]
even though the clubbing "did not happen", i had a good time! we went for dimsum and ungodly fried yam balls. and fried scallops. and oo - everything fried was good la. most essentially, me and my girls seem to thrive in the face of calories and gentle ennui. it's always been like that hasnt it? only we've graduated from yummy meals to perk us up at the end of the school day back in rg. to early dinners to perk us up after hours of shopping. to late dinners that perk us up after long days of school in jc. and now, suppers that have become an after clubbing ritual.
thanks to zh who sent
all 3 of us back. i appreciated it, we all did..! its verry nice when a man is magnanimous :] its verry nice cos
now they are indebted to me! mmffthaha :D
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:56 AM
Wednesday, December 8
dennis is a very sweet guy! he is gentlemanly to the tip of his smoke-stained fingers. he holds my elbow when i cross the road, and he helps me when i step down a huge block of concrete. he opens doors, plays the music i like in the car, assures me that theres nothing to worry even though he bangs up the car while parking at westmall just because i needed to renew my PDL.
he says its upbringing; that his mother taught her boys how to treat girls right.
i think its beautiful!
i want to see enchanting scenes like these everyday. i want to see it in my own bf! he answered...rather..dismally when i started prodding - as to whether he will hold my elbows and all. apparently, grabbing elbows and twisting them is more his style. grr. haha he must be left rather confused by my weird turn of questioning lastnight.
we're going clubbing tonight! which short flirty skirt should i wear today. i love the
flooooouunce of my skirts when i shake my ass. haha!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:22 PM
Monday, December 6
haha. i saw zh's ex today. and im gratified to be earnestly reassured that im prettier, hotter, sweeter, nicer, more loved and a better shag than she was. (okay i made up some of that..)
hur-hur.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:26 AM
Sunday, December 5
errrrm.. well - im back! from wonderfully communist vietnam. i almost had forgotten that vietnam remains communist til this day until i almost walked right into a moss-green soldier man. nice. i love that uniform. i love that shade of insurrectionist green.
only china, n.korea, vietnam and cuba tally communist votes still.
im back because my grandpa had a stroke. a massive stroke that happened at the most anachronistic of timings - when our family had just left for hanoi. when my uncle was in ho chin minh city on a business trip. when my
other uncle was in san francisco. leaving only the youngest uncle and 3 other aunties who dealt with it with much confusion at best.
his right side is immobile now. but we all know he's conscious. and aware. and trying to tell us things. and trying to wake up. and trying to scratch off the respirator irritating his nose. and basically just trying to get up. being the old horse he is, i know my grandpa would hate to have so many people around him fussing, stroking, crying, shaking him. i hate to see him like this. because stubbornness is
so characteristic of him, and i would hate to see it diminished.
holding him, stroking that papery skin of his..its hard to not cry. just the sunday before, he was happily telling me to work hard and earn some good money. and get a nice big house. and telling me how proud he was of me. and he was so proud of my little uncle for finally getting his own place. he was looking
so fine. we all hope he wakes up soon. scans are clear. no sigh of rapturing of anything. no clots either. we're all just waiting and waiting and waiting. we've got ourselves organised into shifts. morning, noon, afternoon, evening, night, midnight shifts. my grandma looks so so so tired. sii-igh. its exactly 6 mths since his last stroke. 2nd june. this time, 3rd dec.
i will never forget that look of trepidation on my daddy's face when he switched on his phone after reaching our hotel. which was 5 hours away from hanoi city. the nightmare commenced with frantically making calls. arranging flights back home. the scary thing is only 1 flight goes between hanoi and singapore everyday. and getting 5 tickets back on such short notice is almost impossible. plus there must be a minimum stay of 2 days in vietnam. but somehow, we dont know, we managed to get back to hanoi (another 5 hours..!) and got on an sq flight back. and sia waived off alot of fine wording for us. we managed to use our return ticket back even though it was under a package thing. otherwise we would have had to pay USD250 each for a oneway ticket back.
vietnam will remain unforgettable. it started off cursed, ill bet. what with everybody telling me not to go.
why vietnam!?! u go there for charity ah?? and then arun telling me hanoi is flooded.
ehh dont go la. better tell your mom.. and dennis.
dont go la! flooded right? go zoukout with me la! and then when we reached hanoi, my sister realised she didnt bring her keys to her luggage. and then we got the news of my grandpa. and then my brother slipped in the bathroom resulting in a huge gash beside his eye.
haha. signs or not? i wonder..
i love vietnam. from 10 hours worth of viewing it from the bus. the motorbikes. and HUGE lorries. the nonstop horning. they horn when they want to go faster, when they want to overtake, when they want to slow down, when they want to say hi to the next driver.. which means they basically horn every 5 seconds. i think its sort of akin to looking in your rearview mirror. everytime u look at the mirror (10 seconds right?), you horn.
and the dustiness of it. the roadside stalls. the beautiful vividly coloured houses in the countryside. purple. turquoise. canary yellow. blue. all with french pillars and balconies. in fact they seem to treasure they balconies so much that they build the 2nd floor balcony together with their first story house. so they were plenty of houses with 1 floor and 2 balconies. or 2 floors and 3 levels worth of balconies. and the viet cafes were so quaint. and adorable. pity we didnt even manage to get a cup of nice weasel coffee. hehe.
and the toilets. none of the toilet cubicles were lit. even in the hotels and restaurant. its as if the vietnamese believe that dirty business should be left, er, unseen(?) lol. i love travelling and discovering all these odd little things about little out of the way places. the weirder a place is, the more i absolutely love it. i want to do vietnam properly one day. with a backpack and all. with loads and loads of vietnamese coffee to go.
my dad met his primary school classmate from his kampung days. in hanoi!! the world..is tiiny..! so this man is lovely. and he regaled me with stories aplenty about how my grandpa was the strictest man ever. but he was very respected because he gave many people in the kampung jobs. and how he was terrifyingly fierce to my uncles and aunties. i miss him! i would give anything for him to just wake up and scold me. for my tattoos or something..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:16 PM
Friday, December 3
just got back from supper with zh. and i saw glenn and i was pretty sure it wasnt him until he called out my name. strange. i cant recognise my own friends!
today's 3rd month with zh -
I GOT A RIIIIIIIIIING! it glints n shines n sparkles in the light!
and we had a lovely picnic. with cottage cheese and salad and ham and chocolate cake. and wine. and fetta cheese. ooooohyummydeliiiciiious.
and we found the perfect carpark spot. for, er, parking the car.
:) i love him. he's the only one who would play masak masak with me at the beach. have crackers and cheese and ham and all that shit. and think picnics are not lame. i hope we never lose that lovin feelin.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:53 AM
Thursday, December 2
sitting here in front of the computer in my towel. with my hair musty and smoky. and my eyes rimmed dangerously in black. i enjoy looking dishevelled. sexily dishevelled actually? *hopeful* but maybe i just look mad? you just never know.
anyyways, yes. zouk was packed. like freeze-dried dog food. week after week i expect mambo to be packed. i make plans to pre-empt the packedness. i have contingency plans. but week after week, i still end up complaining about the obvious overcapacity of the place while forcibly making my way to the toilet/bar/dance floor/exit. and week after week i go back to get squashed all over again. to stand breast to tummies, butt to thighs (taking into consideration my height), without much space for movement, let alone for some form of self expression called dance.
maybe its just the crowd. and how i love meeting people i know. and people who look good who then inspire me to look better / dress better. balls, there are so many thin people in the world. the thinner in the winner. some thinspiration there. i need to lose weight.
for the first time ever im actually afraid of dancing with guys. somehow zh's explicit proclamations of his faith and trust in me has wormed itself into my conscience. not to mention that he tells me he has eyes everywhere (argh!) and every corner i turn i see some eusoff person.
i was never like that. i used to do as i pleased. the power of reverse psychology. lol
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
4:01 AM
Wednesday, December 1
im at zh's house now. chilling. watching tv.
i spent close to 4 hrs under the sun sobbing my heart out as i unravelled over granddad's death in the book man and boy. i also managed to swim 12 laps which is measly by previous standards but admirable for..
now.
and im discovering E! channel which is full of trashy greaat shows! up next is "the ultimate hollywood blonde". lol. and maccauly culkin is really ugly now by the way. hes on tv now. on "red carpet moments". haha
my baby's still mugging.
im going zouk tonight. yay. with jiaying. seems like half the world is going!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
7:26 PM
.jpg)
.jpg)
