Tuesday, November 30
yawn. falling asleep may be the easiest thing now. i slept at 7am this morning cos i was out having suppers and riding cars all night long. i didnt take an afternoon nap because i'd discovered the windows video edit program thing and i ended up making a nice little compilation of our tioman videos. i didnt take a
late afternoon siesta cos i ended up going ikea with dennis only to have my taste criticized a million times over. yawwn.
im kind of wondering why i keep going out with dennis all of a sudden. even zh asks me. must be cos we're in such close proximity. and cos we're so free and so bored and with a penchant for staying up late.
im going vietnam on friday. whee.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
8:29 PM
My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors. ~Bette Midler
i did my own floors today: i swept and cajoled the grime out of the grooves of my tiled floor. i mopped vigorously and drowned the varying dustballs residing within my room. i magicleaned it til my feet was able to actually feel the floor for the first time in months. im so proud of myself :D
along with the floors, ive done my window panes too.
squeeeeaky clean! and ive folded my clothes and cleared all the leftover potpourri bits hanging around on my desk. ive wiped the lid of my laptop. and ive organised my notes and textbooks and aligned them nicely on the shelves.
and after my room felt so darn clean i went to clean myself up - i took the longest bath i can possibly give myself without feeling bored. i conditioned my hair. i scrubbed myself as thoroughly as i could. beeautiful. i feel so clean now.
and apart from feeling clean, i feel healthy too. i went for a swim and a long overdue dosage of vitamin D from the supreme sun. and im consuming loads of water.
:D
this sudden bout of cleaning has probably got to do with the fact that im trying to stay out of zh's way as much as possible cos he needs to study, study
very hard, for his stats paper.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:08 AM
Sunday, November 28
aaaaaah haha finally got my hands on the computer! my brother has been at it every single waking second of his post-exam (whale of a) time.
my chest's itchy and my nose's peeling. i managed to actually get sunburnt on thursday. yep that was the thunderstorming day.. which means i got a full dose of the few lethal rays of sun just before the sky collapsed and torrents of rain rendered us motionless under a puny little umbrella beside the swimming pool. thats cos poolside umbrellas are only good for shading. they're too way high for keeping out rains :(
just like lynn, i feel strange not being in hall. nothing's with me. everything's in hall. my aftersuncare lotion's in hall. my gravity-defying hairspray is in hall. and my shorts are in hall.
yes! all my shorts are in hall. which resulted in me going sentosa in a
skirt!
speaking of which, yes, sentosa! i went sentosa with de and co. a spontaneous happy little 2am trip to sentosa.
"to play with sand", he said.. - my ass la! the sand was how soggy. play whaaat sand. but it was fun! we ended up daring each other into the freezing waters. blank as ink. which means we all ended up chatting and chattering amidst celcius-challenged waters and praying nobody would pull our toes from beneath. and i demonstrated the floating powers of my boobs. nah, kidding. (
nah, not really..haha)
i later got him to send me back to homesweethome in the west. i went back n had the best PIPING hot bath in the world. which is the best contrasting adjective ever to describe the inner chill that twilight swimming induces. daaaamn shiok. n everyone's like awake still. which is more than i can say for sentosa.
hall's so homey sometimes! and then i caught sight of the ipoh coffee, but i remind myself that coffee's only for studying. and thats
next-freakingshiok-year! yay..
so yes after my bath we were supposed to go makan a bit. but then halfway he got called on a rescue mission to rescue his 3 friends from a car accident. so exciting la. everyone's sleeping and im in this super speeding swerving car rushing rushing rushing to lim chu kang to pick up people for a speedy getaway.
the story is, this guy stole his dad's car n decided to go the limchukang cemetary roads to practice stunts. and langa-ed into some railing. and the car engine was smoking. and the car was stuck. and he had 2 call his dad. so he told his 3 other friends to go off first because he din wanna get em into trouble. cos apparently the dad is this super die-die-also-must-beat-up-somebody-kind. so the 3
(pretty humji) friends ran and hid in some obscure pathway. until we came to pick em up. and they ducked when we drove past the dad, fuming over the wreck. maaan, nothing exciting like that happens to me!
so then by then it was like 6am so we drove around looking for food and cigarette filter papers. found the former at balestier (bak ku teh) and the latter at newton circus (mama shop).
and then i went home and slept. and then i woke up to go shop and moan about feeling fat with jiaying. not only did we not take proactive steps to combat the jelat feeling of fatness, we actually took
anti-active steps - we went to eat. and dessert somemore.
and plus later on after meeting deb, we still went to indulge in some serious calorie-laden drinks. and THE BEST THING..! *smug grin* we managed to charm the gorgeous gay bartender (by getting on his bitchy side) into helping us save some moolaaah by putting 3quarters of our orders on some poor guys' tab. theres no better feeling than knowing youve saved some major cash! power to the rainbow connection!
and when zh came to pick me up..*
bliss* he looked so handsome and so silent and so warm and so safe. and so protective. and so silent. (probably cos he was sick..) but ohh...man for that instant i couldnt believe i owned him. that he was mine! i would have hugged myself in sweet surrender if it didnt make me look like a retard..
come to think of it, maybe if he were sick more often, he would be my strong silent knight more often..haha.. oops. thats mean manda. how can u wish your own boyfriend ill?!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:59 AM
Thursday, November 25
exams are over! it ended on a particularly sour note because managerial economics was and always will remain the most abhored subject ever, the exampaper's sense of humour notwithstanding.
exerpts of a very odd paper included -
"Julia Roberts" and "Catherine Zeta-Jones" shopping at NTUC and Shop'N'Save and finding that their bundle of goods each had 15 dollars disparity at the two supermarkets. Julia Roberts believed NTUC was fairer, and Catherine Zeta-Jones believed likewise for Shop'N'Save. and apparently my mom (yes, my mom) is supposed to read these articles in the papers (yes this is part of the question) and decide that one of them was lying. so now, as an exam candidate im supposed to comment on the accuracy of "my mom's statement"
it didnt help either that the firms in the paper had weird names like MER (Managerial Economics Rock) vs MES (Managerial Economics Suck). and that the manager who tried to apply Nash's equilibrium subset game strategy to his business plans was named Mr Nasher.
korean-american lecturers speak funny. and think even more funnily.
i went to meet zh after that for dinner at wisma :) and we had dessert!every guy should learnt the importance of ordering dessert for his lady even when she claims she's "stuffed". she's only stuffed cos shes planning ahead for dessert! i had to beg zh for dessert before he acquiesed though..
oh! and i met rizuan and the yummy mat topshop salesman yesterday in town. i din know rizuan knows him! ive been eyeing the mat salesman for awhile actually. hur hur. yuumm. its just like diana knows the cute abercrombie guy! niice.. BUT. BUT, BUT..haha. all goggling and no action for me..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:17 PM
Wednesday, November 24
yaaay i wokeup today to find myself the same weight i was before i embarked on my
learning journey highway to exam hell..amaazing what the mind / body reciprocity entails.
amaazing how ONE SEMESTER has ended! like that! *snap!*
time really did fly -from june, til now. in june we broke up. destroyed my clean record with a stupid mistake called mark.
somehow quarelled with deb along the way. by july, it was off. then fe and i were in grey zone. verry grey. verryy hopeful. then matriculation. picked for pageant? haha ego boost! zone with fe grew greyer with each time he fetched me home. go for arts orientation. meet some people, but never thought id remain close to them. got a place at business. mom's ecstatic. i meet diana. who also transferred to business. who knows zh. so thats how we know each other. speed dating with a twist. zone with fe disappeared. unionball. became closer with the pageant people - now i know why they say pageanters hang out together. moved into eusoff which was mildly traumatizing. tioman with zh. amazing. and THEN, projects came like the tide. exams followed with barely time for us to breathe. phew. and now. holidays ahead. its been reaaally fast.
i havent had time to take stock and evaluate. my life has been awfully narrow. hmm. that needs working on. i wish i can make more out of my time here in hall. or maybe im just not a hall-y kind of person. like i cant go around screaming around crazily and being friendly to everyone and stick my head into everyone's room. do i alter my behavior to suit my surroundings?
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:52 AM
but then i think of 2 little girls fighting the torrential injustice showered from one big fat jerk, and i think, maybe thats cool too.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:42 AM
Tuesday, November 23
managerial economics tomorrow. 5pm. and then im done for this sem. its nice if i could wrap it up with a bang. but ha, no im eliminating myself out of this race with my tail hung low.
im just tawdling my way through my textbook, and designing my cheatsheet.
at a very..slow...imperceptible..pace.
it took a good talk with richard to be reminded of essentials. let nothing cast doubts on what i was previously full of conviction for. let nothing, not even the acrimony of our break-up colour my perceptions. i will have faith, but let it not be blind faith either.
i believe in the honest goodness of everyone, and sometimes its silly. like now. because obviously im missing out on something from both sides of the story. i withhold from judging, i withhold from condemning.
im left with a resignation and a sense of trying to be open. of just letting it wash over me, with me playing nothing more than a bystander's role. its hard. but i have to let go. it does not concern me, hence it should not bother me.
im tugged by new friendships and pulled by the strains of bygone. where to place my trust in, has long been a forgotten conclusion. its best to just..exist..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
11:21 PM
i must still be awake. yaawwn. umar came to get a textbook and i couldnt get back to sleep after that. so i told zh ill wake up him at 11. he says "ure my morning call"; and i said "no im ure morning cock.."
like - wtffff did i say tt for..?
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
9:45 AM
Monday, November 22
my neighbor's cat! on her bulletin board!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
11:41 PM
Sunday, November 21
i just realised i havent been home for 2 weeks. two sundays ive been in hall :( i miss my dad and my mom and my sister and my brother and i bought some stuff from yahoo auctions n its probably at home and so i cant wait to be baack!
3 more days, 72 more hours and ill be free. i dont remember havin studied this much before. is it a sudden maturity of thought that drives me to work hard at getting a respectable cap? or is it pressure? at
any given time there are millions of people studying around nus.
i cant wait for everything to be over :)
zh will get the car! we can go jb! after i end i can go zouk! i can go anywhere! i have money! i can go shop! deb, lets go hendrix soon! lets go shopping! let's go jb too! i can take afternoon naps! i can go swim! i can finally get a tan!
aaaah
let the 72 hours pass..quickly..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
5:49 PM
i hate my boyyfriiennd!!!
not only does he play games at the times when normal people study, he goes and studies until now which is like breeakfast time. and because im such a pathetic excuse of a person, i cant sleep withoutt hiim.
AND he always says the wrong things.
he said i looked tired once, and i was so stressed that i cried
(attributable to other factors too, ofcourse..) and then just now he tells me he knew i was tired. and i was oh u knew? and he's like yaa! cos u
didnt look tired this morning! bah. he's found a way around it! my sweet irritating bf.
and then im like i dont lik to look tired cos it means i have eyebags and a pale face. and he's all diplomatic and he says u never have eyebags n u never look pale. then he adds (unnecessarily)
"except when u've been in an aircon place for 2 hours.." geee. thanks. thats exactly when i met the nice cute abercrombie boy. argh!
and there was once he told me my teeth werent as white as when he first met me. thaaaanks man.
im laughin even as i type this.
maybe i dont hate him after all..lol
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
6:03 AM
Saturday, November 20
dear diary,
maybe i should just do away with makeup. cos ive noticed a disturbing trend of coming face-to-face with cute guys when im at my ugliest. i met felix (ok he's not tt cute muaha) when i was makeupless. totally.
after a back-to-basics camp. after not having bathed for 2 days. i met errr..shit (i dont really meet cute guys much, come 2 think of it..) oh and i met zh when i was like damn tired and damn yucky and wearing a gross hairband in lecturre.. (and there's evidence* somemore)
* zh spotted me in the 2nd webcast lecture of mno which is when i walked past the camera to join my other friend who was sitting near him. *snigger* i wasnt going to join HIM. i was joining my FRIEND. but he thinks its debatable.
and then yeah. today i saw the selling-abercrombie-skirt guy whom diana says is a xiao cao
= school grass = opposite of school flower = opposite of school belle = school hunk? aiyo. hurhur. i shant comment anymore cos i know i was literally swooning about him with zh in full sight. lol. takes alot from a man to join in with the jokes. i love himm!!!! and i still think zh's cute!!
(but i also think the abercrmbieguy is cute too...)
wtf.. zh dont kill me (if u read this..muaks..)
love,
amanda
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
5:51 PM
this was what was cramping my style - after my exam my waterbottle leaked onto the papers. 4 glorious pages filled inch to inch streaked by ink smudges. boohoo. i would have sold it. haha..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
5:47 PM
my exam hair for today! hur hur. vanity even in time of duress! i have to work harder on my braiding skills..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
5:42 PM
sour gummies i bought at the co-op to sustain myself. and then one day i looked at the back, and HEY its LOWFAT!!! :D
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
5:37 PM
if i have to squeeze out another tiny sliver of fontsize-6 letter out of my cramped fingers, my fingers will rebel and go into seizure.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:45 AM
Friday, November 19
ive never normally been a sleepyish sort of person, but balls, i AM TIRED....
my el paper was at 9am today so i woke up at 7.45 to give myself an allowance of half an hour in case i went back to sleep. and also to bathe and dress and all that..
i didnt sleep well cos i was sleeping wrapped up in sheets rather than his arms. cos i turned in earlier. im such a WUSS. i cant even sleep without him. when he isnt in hall, i leave my nightlamp on. hah-llow. what happened to postmodern feminism. baaaah.
i thought the paper was alright...but after that requisite postexammortem, i felt like crap. which prompted pak to tell me to never postevaluate. cos it only makes everyone a loser. pak has been like a big daddy to me. i dontknow how to explain it. he's got his head planted firmly on the ground, and his feet even further beneath. he makes alot of sense all the time, and he's been nothing but sweet to me. :) never thought about it until today.. :)
i had lunch with liz and lynn today. hurhur. it was a very funny lunch, what with liz's food flying everywhere, and us laughing and laughing and laughing like our exams had just ended. mmhmm. ive always wondered why there's an almost imperceptible barrier between us. its like we're only existing friends. we're friends when we remember of each other's existence. in a way - hm i dontknow how to put it.
then i went back to hall with zh's lunch. and i got down to study and him and i were being very productive! and then the the efficiency levels ebbed gradually. and we decided hey! its time for dinner! and hey! the weather's good! let's go queenstown and have guotie!
and yipee i was so excited. i remember the guotie place with fond memories, cos the last time i went there was the night we got together. but not over guotie ofcourse..
so we were like we'll just spend money and haul ourselves down for one quick satisfying meal. cab there and back. sounds simple enough.
hur-hur-hur. we spent ONE HOUR hailing cabs in 3 different places. and alternatively taking 3 different buses, slowly making our way from clementi to queenstown which isnt really far if you think about it. the cabs were ALL ON CALL. ALL OCCUPIED. ALL CHANGING SHIFTS. like w\t\f...
lol but i love being with him. having our own tiny little amazing race against 8pm which is when the guotie stall will close. balancing on planks which were balanced on unstable blocks of mud. trudging up the overhead bridge.
phewww im tired. and absolutely dying to just fall asleep. (in his arms..)
but the guotie was worth it.
now i just have to finish the last 2 pages of my notes for tomorrow's exam.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:01 PM
Wednesday, November 17
watching backdated webcast lectures on management now. i never knew lectures were so interesting. theres this cool study done in seattle on kids.
during halloween, they get researchers to open the doors during trick-n-treating. and then the phone rings. so they tell the kid(s) "help yourself. i need to get the phone.." and they leave the basket of sweets out front.
kids who came alone - only 8% took more than 2 sweets
kids who were greeted initially with "hi, whats your name? help yourself..etc..etc.." - an almost equivalent percentage.
kids in a big group - 80% helped emselves to more than 10 sweets each.
this is otherwise known as team trap - the likelihood of having more polarized decisions and actions due to the diffusion of responsibility as well as invulnerability illusions.
cool.
maybe next sem i will start attending lectures! :)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
6:18 PM
Tuesday, November 16
i slammed the door against my toe this morning :(
slammed it so hard my nail buckled under the sheer force and it was so fuckiing painful i leapt all across the room into zh's arms for some tenderlovingcare. funny how i can fly under such dire circumstances. im glad he was there. it was instant relief :P my nail's freakily bloody and mangled now.. its almost freak-show-worthy!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
8:50 PM
there are so many beautiful people here in school. what makes people pretty? what constitutes a pleasant face and what defines an eyecatching one? which aspect of your face make you look slutty? or demure? or sultry? or just hot? what's a hot girl? who declares her hot? is hot synonymous with beauty? or does it connotate an attitudinal factor as well?
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
8:10 PM
Monday, November 15
i swear im just xenophobic. i went to the pantry to make myself some coffee and see this chinaman making beibeimian
as usual.. and
drinking something chrysanthemumish from a dubious metal tin cup. so first thing i do is head toward the sink to wash my mug. tap's spoilt.
must be the chinaman's fault. so i go to the toilet n wash it. nevermind. next up, i went to the hot water dispenser. water's not hot!
must be cos the chinaman used all the heat for his beibeimian.. argh, i feel so irrationally biased. but i am irritated with the chinaman just cos he was there. who drinks chrysanthemum water with chopsticks anyway?
only chinamen..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
11:16 AM
Sunday, November 14
ive straightened out the kinks within myself :)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:19 PM
closure
nothin is as simple as it seems, least of all having a proper closure with someone youve been for so long. i have long thought that it is purely a matter of padlocking away all the memories within a giant metal box.. i have had effectively almost half a year to completely forget him, but that i cant seem to do. he has a inexplicable stronghold on memories that i just sometimes want to forget. i feel adulterous in mind and spirit as i continue loving zh and all the while fighting memories that well up like starved demons.
he tells me he knows that what we shared is done and over with, and that now he can only stand aside and pray for my happiness. he says he can see im happy with zh and i am.
how do people dichotomize past relationships from their being? does it require long periods of self-discovery? long periods which i never gave myself?
i thank the stars so much for having zh by me. i just wish i could, and would do him more justice..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:45 PM
Friday, November 12
i forgot to add that in the tamil movie the protagonist went back and invited his childhood sweetheart to his wedding, and found her barefooted, haggard, fat and totally overwhelmed by 3 kids. she ran back into her house, hastily wiped her face clean, stuck on her potu back on with a wisp of hope, and returned to greet him amidst nervous smiles and fumbling small talk.
that disturbing sinew of what-could-have-beens.
and that is the sum of all my fears.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
11:46 PM
emotional episodes are little communications to ourselves. they make us aware of events that may affect our survival and wellbeing.
she who emotes most has least to be apologetic for.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
4:20 PM
::thailand::
nonstop shopping
cheap retro tshirts
fisherman's pants
cartons and cartons of cheap cigs
60 baht lethal cocktails
khaosan
briiing me baaaack to thaiiilaand!
before year ends.
end november.
i end exams 24th. lynn! action! now!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:17 PM
Thursday, November 11
denying two craving stomachs of delectable indian food on a cold gloomy day is almost sacrificial. so me and hangovered lynn hauled our asses down to woodlands via the neverending upper bukit timah road connecting to woodlands road, braving erratic rains and winds and weird bursts of sunshine amidst getting lost in the bare wilderness of the north. at one point in time, it actually felt like we were going to end up in johor.
candies. curries. the kneejerk-tearing reaction from hitting the masala prawns. the food was goo-ood.. :) we watched indian movies, ate indian food, contemplated eating the indian way, learnt about the indian ways. more importantly, i discovered the art of indian seduction - sunlight glinting through locks and locks of cascading hair; the slow-motion shoulder-heaving-delicately way of running slowly towards your target.. we watched this tamil show
autograph which we found to be a refreshing change from the usual bollywoody shows
until halfway through the show abandoned its sensitivities and started bollywooding too.
disappointing.. so we left. cos lynn had her 10pg essay. and i had my unsurmountable task of starting to study. and also our tummies were adequately satiated. haha.
the long ride back was part II of the motorbike ride from hell. this time we braved chaotic rains of an even greater intensity. and winds. and giant big fat angry raindrops that were pelleting relentlessly down on us. is this how accupuncture feels like?
a note of commendation to lynn: well done! i thought we were going to skid at some point - but brav-O!
i had fun today :) its been awhile indeed..
for the past week or so, ive been mulling over memories i cant put aside. *fruuuuustrattion.........!*
everywhere i go, everything i see.. its notttt faaairrrr!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:05 PM
i was in a ultra loving mood when i reached eusoff. and i couldnt wait to see him. until bit by bit he sapped me. and i was left with no mood anymore.
will blog about deepavali later! when im more accommodating, and when i can better do justice to the great time i had today..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
6:32 PM
Wednesday, November 10
my personalized marketing study guide from him. hurhur. why am i taking pictures of oddities when i should be tackling my (in no particular order) management, accounts, economics, marketing, linguistics text?
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
9:56 PM
one more huuge pack of yummy ipoh coffee down. coffee clarifies! coffee equates circumspect!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
12:19 PM
i went for subject pool today (0.5hrs) which will reduce my requirement deficit by 0.5hrs. so now im just -1 hrs, when i need 2 hrs for my 10%. zh managed to scour and find another study (1hr) for me to attend this fri. so yipee, (cheapthrill), i will be back to 0 hrs by end of the week. brilliant..
and then when im at groundzero, i will beg the lecturer on 2 counts - virtual and playacting. glenn says to beg her and cry. felix tells me to "dress down" and look haggard. ben says to email her and beg, beg, beg. i thank everyone for their wonderful advice. lol. i hope it works. but if it works, i will effectively spend my reading week doing a 10pg marketing case study for that 10%.
i just dapaoed for zh the honeyglazedchicken from bizadcanteen. i had it yesterday and its yuummmmy. i wish i could have it again today, but i think im piling on the exam pounds - the horror of it! - and hence i sorta restricted myself to salad which i later contradicted with a full glass of (stolen) chocolate milk. i feel fat and ugly these days. i dont even want to go for the mtv-practice-safe-sex casting this week. i cant handle rejection at this pointttt..hurhurr
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
11:09 AM
Sunday, November 7
u know what lynn? i dont know how we ended up being friends. i remember talking to you for like a minute during the
last day of orientation. and then. i remember dinner at marina bay. and then, i remember staying over at your place.
how did i get to know you so well until i stayed over at your place!?!? i dont even remember like exchanging numbers or msns with you! im confused..
its strange to dig back and pinpoint exactly when friendships are forged! becky, somehow in between community service project, we became friends. cheryl, somehow in between occasional shopping trips, we became friends. deb, somewhere during that first crazy year, in between valerie, eleanor, wanyun, karin and the twins, we became friends. i can pinpoint jiaying's though. i think it was when she let us in on her blue-eyed justin. lol
nerf, welcome to blogging. haha. as for you, you became my friend after you became my laptop-toting ahmad. lol well done.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:33 AM
Dear Amanda
You missed not one, but three studies in total. Your credit is now -1.5 hours and there isn't anything that I can do to help. Only those who opted out of subject pool, that is, those who did not register for any study qualify to do the case analysis.
Please attend the study that you had registered for next week and we can then consider if we can help at all.
regards
pengsim
sigh. thats 10percent of my marketing grade. reduced to nought. why cant i be organised? why dont i conscientiously note down each subject pool allocation i get? why cant i just fulfil my requirements. its just 2 lousy hours. why am i so disorganised!?!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:12 AM
Saturday, November 6
i woke up today, with that pleasant buzz that only a good night's fortitude in
exactly the right balance can provide. a timing so perfect that i woke up before the alarm went. a mood so cheery that even the eyebags beneath my peepers couldnt bother me. we've become so adroit at sleeping in tiny places. curled in one giant ball. my yin, his yang. i wonder what will happen if we one day graduate to a larger bed - will we still squish ourselves into some corner of that bed?
his marketing presentation is going so fantastically, that for the first time i can feel proud for him, without that teeny bit of jealousy. mine wasnt bad - but it wasnt great either. his on the other hand, is edgy, refreshing, brilliant and full of foresight. i was a bad person, to be jealous, but i was. and im ashamed of that. now that my own is well over and firmly pushed to the back of my mind, i find it so nice to be able to exclaim at his work, in pure pride that he's doing something so fanfucktastic. and that im not jealous anymore. and that finally, my competitiveness has subsided. i hate realising that i am innately competitive. i once pulled a boy's swimming trunks off in swimming class when i wanted to get ahead of him and be first. wasnt pretty..
i love him, and i dont want to compete with him...!
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:37 PM
smiling not for the cameras, but for happiness exteriorized :)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
3:12 AM
Thursday, November 4
u know when smells just stir up strange random memories? :) when i was a little kid, i used to butter my own sandwiches before heading upstairs to do my homework; and the fleetingness of that memory sometimes comes back when i sniff margarine on bread. and just now when i was bathing, i decided to condition my hair with the original source rose hair conditioner, and it brought back the time after bizcom bash when i was frantically conditioning out all the gunk out of my hair. and how i was happy and all. because my girls and zh turned up to watch me "model" even though it was a pretty small deal. and the escada hippy ibiza is the smell that drove marklin crazy. (ive since switched..) its funny how triggers work. ill blog down the next smell that intrigues me.
i finally got a blouse at forever21 today for my presentation tomorrow. i hate public speaking. god give me grace, wit, charm and a good speaking voice. the blouse is nice!
indulged in more chocolate today after dinner with zh. i should rename this "the chocolate diaries". we had chocolate souffle with some-herb-icecream. last week we had molten chocolate on belgium waffles. the week before that, we probably had like chocolate cake from bakerzin. and not counting we polished off 3 bars of cadbury's between monday til tuesday. chocolate fiends in crime.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:24 AM
a day of eating eating and *more* eating was rounded up with err, even more eating? - the d blk supper! here are the d2 girls..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
2:22 AM
Tuesday, November 2
imsorrydarling
for all the nasty things i thought last night
for being the wickedbitchygrumpy witch i was last night
i promise ill open my gilded mouth a wholelotmore in future. i promise ill nag at you dayandnight, dusktildawn. i promise ill opine on anythingandeverything. from the relevant to the irrelevant. i promise i will whispersweetnothings to you the minute i feel that suddenburstoffondness for you. i promise ill tell you whatever im thinkingfeelingdoubting. most of all, i promise i will never try to stifle you. your boisterous and exuberance is what makes you. and life will be undeniably more boring without it. im sorry for everything.
love,amanda
thanks lynn. lol :)
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
10:08 PM
all dressed up and ready to be zapped for our spastic mno video. tudungs...are...a pain to wear..
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
9:55 PM
disgruntled
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
3:34 PM
i feel so absolutely selfish and narrowminded that its bursting out of me, and i just have to get it off my chest. here goes - he has always been very passionate about his work. but he has a tendency to rave on and on about his projects. at the cost of often sounding very boorish and overbearing about his work. its what i would call yayapapaya. ive always maintained that if i had known him before he had physically captivated me so, i would probably have hated him together with his cockiness.. well sometimes this side of him surfaces and its hard for me to reconcile with it.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:30 AM
Monday, November 1
sucks la. i bought this nice mint green top lacy top thing from topshop 2 days ago and i wore it for dinner yesterday and when i got back to hall, i decided to do my laundry all decked in my finery. and got detergent on my hands. and accidentally went to tug at my top. and resulting in bleached orangey bits. suuuuucks la. sigh.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:30 PM
a million years after everyone else has a vondutch, i want one now too.
Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.
1:15 PM
