Friday, April 23

i will be gone for a week and half now. away to bangkok and possibly ko samet or ko chang. my parents have been very angry with me of late. rizuan is persistent about me. im worried stiff about my uni applications. i have to steal the modem every morning to go online. im going away to have a good time and sort thiings out. and im gonna try not to pick on fe. and ive got new photos up online at

http://community.webshots.com/user/raszjaded

ill be back just in time for my birthday :) will meet up with everybody then :)

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:06 AM

Friday, April 16

no amount of money should ever induce anyone to sell her body

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

8:15 PM

Thursday, April 15

met up with jiaying today...ostensibly to W-O-R-K. but ended up giving out flyers for like 1.5 hours, and the rest of the day, we managed to get a free lunch at coffee club from the guy who hired us. and then after he excused himself (to escape our greed), we stayed on for a couple more hours til almost evening time. and in the span of the 4 hours we were there, we consumed between the both of us:

garlic prawn pasta, wasabi prawn salad, berry iced tea, apple crumble a la mode, cheese sausages, tiramisu al cafe, loads and loads of iced water - haha we spent virtually all of our pay!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

8:18 PM

Wednesday, April 14

i was so disappointed when fe didnt like the rusty orange cheap $12.90 tshirt i got from zara. he says he doesnt like the colour, and im probably being too sensitive, but it translates into "why the hell u buy such a crap tshirt? it makes u look fat and dull."

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

2:12 PM

Monday, April 12

apparently my dad doesnt like it that fe stayed over last night. thinks im setting a bad example for my bro n sis. sprawling on the floor sets a bad example? a bad example for my bro who surfs lesbian porn? a bad example for my sister who couldnt care less? sigh. so anyway, he feels really bad now, and i really dont want him to. i like it when he's over at my house, or when im over at his. there's a certain level of sex-less intimacy that can be achieved by hanging out together when you're at home. would my parents rather i go his house alot more? i dont know..if i were them i would be glad that my kids are in the safety of the house.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

8:47 PM

becky its awfully frustrating reading your blog, because *argh* you're just telling as it is, and i know there's something else, more, and possibly beyond, and perhaps if we were still in school, you might have told me, argh, but we're not! lol we have to do something about this. ohyeah was the turn out at veron's house good?

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:23 AM

we went first thai at purvis st ("its purvis st!" fe: "no!" "yes it is..." *looking at signboard*) for dinner yesterday and it was yummy. i liked the olive rice and couldnt for the life of me comprehend why he couldnt taste the olives at all. kept saying its like plain rice(?) so then we ate really alot alot, and we still went for desserts at liang seah. and then we went home, and when my dad finally slept, we had a bottle of white. which fe said was awful, but i couldnt really tell otherwise. even after feeling so bloated, we still were hungry. (what kind of sick phenomenom is that? feeling hungry when you're STUFFED with thai food, dessert, half a bottle of wine and hell alot of water..) so it was 7elevens, for a small packet of doritos, which we washed down with a smaller bottle of red. and the bloatedness was like "aaahhhhhh...groan moan moan" kind. so fe says this bottle's better because its a 97 and apparently when you swirl it, there are "lakes" around the "ridges". whatever that means? lol then we realised that we still had the munchies, and like damn, should have bought the bigger packet of chips. so after the intoxication of wine and food and wine and food plus smokes, i talked to him! like a proper talk...about our aspirations, his friends, whether i was happy with him...etc..etc....it was amazing. like a spiritual experience ahaha, only that i was half zonked.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:17 AM

Saturday, April 10

mm i did another "4-hour" at the pool. sun was good, swam abt 15 laps, drizzled for a tiny while and the sun came up again, better than ever. i feel so free of toxins, so sweated, so sunburnt and soo good! my mom thinks its masochistic, the way i put myself through hours of baking..i swear i will stop tanning when i turn 20. or ill be like that old tanned freaky lady in there's somethin about mary. if im not wrong, her name's amanda too. so anyway, i met red-swimming-trunks (rst) again. he's lookin oh so fine. pity rich kept on um talkin to me, and i just didnt know how to blow him off nicely, so i just stayed polite and continued talking to him, even though rst was just..th-e-re lookin so inviting. grr.

and then i went out with my parents. love being with them as i get older; its like im on the same wavelength now, i dont whine about things, and they dont nag at me anymore.

1. we go cologne-testing. he thought armani sensi was yummy. til he discovered it was pour femme. lol. then he thinks armani night for men is nice. so he keeps hinting that he wants it for his birthday. then we head over to gucci. gucci envy and gucci pour homme. he spends like 15 minutes sniffing each out surrepitiously. haha! "honey, this one smell like indian people right.." and then my mom comments that it smells different on different people. so he sprays each on his wrist. and held both wrists up for a good 5 minutes walking around like a fey, til my mom thankfully asked him what he was doin actin so gu niang. haha. and at one-hour intervals for the rest of the day, he holds his wrists up for us to sniff. i love my dad.

2. we are told to collect our free ballpoint pen "upstairs". my dad goes n acts smart and asks "those 30 cents one ah?", to which the cashier tartly replied "i think less than that, because we buy in bulk", leaving my dad speechless.

at the end of the day, he brings all of us to BFD at eastcoast for dinner. i love it. i guess its better than having dinner at mango tree with ed. there's something so appealing about being with people who dont feel like they need to impress and act posh. i like men like that. and i want a man like that :P

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:06 PM

Friday, April 9

after days of deliberating, ive finally booked a place for our first night in bangkok. at SGD11.20 per person per night, its not exactly as cheap as i would like it to be, but i guess its as good as internet bookings go. the really cheap places probably only accept walk-ins. so number one guesthouse at sukhumvit soi 1 should be alright. thanks to my dad who has finally gotten over his jurassic era attitude toward online transactions who literally gave me freedom with his credit cards.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:38 PM

Thursday, April 8

so yesterday i met up with the girls for our movie 20:30:40. even before the show we were like wondering if it was like romantic comedy/ comedy/ dramedy/ plain ol drama/ artsy short film style/ etc. and after the show we came out none the wiser. it was...hm...a dramedy of sorts..i think. about these 3 ladies, 20+, 30+, 40+ who um...go through life...and they're not related not at all...so yeah...it was nice and funny at parts, but it wasnt particularly heartwarming, or girl-power-ish and actually quite pointless really. hehe. and...the 20+ girl acted like some 17 year old, all giggly and crazy and wild and seemingly with lesbian tendencies, that it made us wonder if taiwanese girls were all like that at 20+. um...in which case, does that mean singaporean girls are different? at 20+, most girls here are very sophisticated already i think...hm..and then the 30+ lady was all neurotic and had this obsessive thing about having a boyfriend, having a lover, having affairs, wanting to be loved and behaving more like how i think a 20+ year old would behave. she calls guys up, and then gets into an argument with them about why they didnt call her/ pick her up and then tells em not to call her again (?). haha but she's the one i most identify with. because there's something needy about her - in that she wants to be loved by everybody - and i think im like that too..(so does that mean ive got a 30-year-old soul? hm) and sylvia chang as the 40+ lady was the funniest and the most believable as she tries to get her life back on track after she discovers her husband's infidelity. in fact, i think that was the only real subplot running through the entire movie. one thing that the movie brought out, was the charmingly irritating qualities of women. we scream, rant, have our insecurities, get jealous, scheme to get our men, but these are uniquely female and though it usually mystifies the men, they usually fall under the spell of it all. and it did make me feel very proud to be a woman.

so we plan to watch calender girls next :)

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

2:10 PM

dear becky, haha things like that happen in my life ALL the time. so you see, i dont mean to back out on things..haha things just happen. haha now u can back me up in my excuses! :P anyway, you're 67% dateable haha.....could that be because only 67% of men are worth dating :D dont worry abt the meeting hehe we'll find some other chance. and ur redbull shirt sounds nice. i just bought a green polo tee that proclaims me to be a "plumber" haha luv, mandy

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

1:41 AM

Monday, April 5

fe came over last night and we...surfed the net...and then walked out to mahmoodiya for supper...and then proceeded back home to...watch tv.......again. i must say one thing though. falling aslp on his lap on the couch sure beats falling aslp on my own bed!

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:48 AM

Sunday, April 4

i extended the tattoo on my foot in this tahitan tribal style and now its positively lovely. lesson learnt - always get your tattoo done on your own, so you hear nobody else's opinion but yours and yours alone. i got mine done at this lovely place at katong, and guy was lovely, and his customers were lovely, and it was the best tattoo-ing experience ive ever had! a new friend made (kirby the tattoo artist) as well as several other guys who apparently are sentosa regulars. it was a nice afternoon and i had a great time over there, they even bought me drinks etc, and yes i got so many compliments jampacked in an afternoon it was like an affirmation - yes! :P

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:16 PM

Saturday, April 3

miss singapore universe - "what appetiser would you make for your guy?" - "i uh..would make him a plate...of fruits..with strawberries to make it sweet.." fruits platter aint exactly appetiser..poor girl, could see the audience murmurring about her bad answer..

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:35 PM

Friday, April 2

chanced upon some of my old rg gep friends' blogs. and boy these people are so highflyer-y. their blogs are brimming with updates on their application status to yale, princeton, brown, stanford, etc etc...whether they got in, whether they got accepted, how their acceptance letters came - via ups or fedex, what greenwich time the results would be out, etc, etc...its such a world beyond me. i wouldnt even dare of entertaining thoughts of applying to these ivy league colleges. i guess that's where our ideals and life paths parted ways. they proceeded on to hwachong and rj, while i went on to anderson; and things did turn out so differently. no doubt we had the same standard of education, and even i wouldnt exactly declare myself less capable of all of them. but regret lingers nonetheless. what would have happened if i had studied just a little bit more - would i have made it to the same situation as them? where the most immediate worry is whether yale is gonna accept me, rather than is nus law going to even shortlist me? success comes at a price, a price that i was unwilling to fork over in my secondary and jc days. is it too late for regrets?

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

9:28 PM

so ri has contacted me, and i can indulge in a little harmless flirting. (yipee dee doo! haha) he's a doll, he really is. kinda like a pretty boy. we'll see where this goes. fe says im very double-standards-ish. which means i get to flirt around still, while i get paranoid if he does. and i get to say "love u lots" on aaron's friendster testimonial, but i'll absolutely die if he writes the same mush to another girl. ummm...im guilty, guilty, guilty. which is why im so lucky to have him who understands that its just a terribly gross display of immaturity on my part. anyway, yes he surprised me yesterday when he suddenly called me to say he was outside my place, and i really thought he was kidding because he was sposed to be working at embargo! what a lovely surprise...i never put him down as a guy who surprises me :) but he does apparently. so i had to frantically change into some ratty tshirt and shorts, and then we went out for tehsipeng and kopipeng. and we finally caught up on all the things that we have missed out in the past week due to our schedule clashes and all, not to mention our horrible quarrel. and he stayed all the way til 6am again n we watched tv and the eye. and my mom heard him leaving so she said we were crazy. and i agree. i was sleepy like hell! but i love spending time with him.

anyway ive been calling up the travel agencies to check up on the airfares. and man, classifieds damn cheater! they publish airfare 180 but they say oh-we-havent-added-in-the-airport-tax-plus-our-own-commission! sheesh. so anyway

swissair & finnair - 230 + 39 taxes
SQ - 290 (hello? for what man?) + taxes
thai airways - 334 (comparable to SQ? how can that be!?)
bangladesh - 220 + 39 taxes
cathay - 230 + taxes

think we'll fly by cathay or bangladesh. but the latter is..so....scary-sounding...

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

12:06 PM

Thursday, April 1

i watched passion of the christ today. i had all but a vague notion of jesus' sacrifice prior to this..so sometimes i got confused at certain points where i couldnt identify which of his disciples were betraying him, which were true to him, and those who denied him only to regret it later. overall, it was a nice show, a change from the silly shows i usually watch. the sadistic torture depicted was truly grotesque though. the 2nd weapon thing they used to whack him made me cringe, especially this particular whack which hit his back at an awkward angle and drew much blood and flesh as the spines came off the flesh. made me squirm in my seat. and the romans' faces were just positively gleeful. which goes to show how essentially cruel humans can get. felix says it wasnt exaggerated either because the high priests' records also reflect the extent of the punishment. while watching the film's flashbacks where jesus was preaching to his disciples about the truth the way and the life, how to love everyone - even those who persecute you - i suddenly realise that people get threatened by people who speak of a higher order destiny than they can ever imagine. the show didnt do much for me in a religious aspect, but it did get me thinking of human nature, how people are always threatened by people whom you recognise to be innately better than you. so you put them down, and what better way to do than to trash your ideals and aspirations? i have a whole lot more thoughts regarding the bible and what he preaches, but ofcourse i will keep that to myself until i finally finish reading it. because it aint right to have a discourse on such things without fully understanding it. thats just inviting trouble.

Swirls and whirls
and butterflies.

10:04 PM